When a new child comes into the family, it’s important to share the moment with the baby’s older brother or sister, make them join in and enjoy the experience. Jealousy at some time is inevitable, but if they perceive this stage as something positive for everyone, they will be enthusiastic about it, as far as is possible.
Something you should take into account is that depending on the age of your child, his reaction and feelings for the new member of the family will be different.
You might have feelings of guilt at first, as you could think that you will have to share out the unconditional love you feel for your little one, something that right now seems impossible. Moreover, you could feel that you will not be able to love your second child as much as the first one, and this terrifies you. Don’t worry – these doubts will disappear during your pregnancy, and you will become aware of all the love you have for all your children. Each one of them is special.
How can you help your child when he is going to have a new brother or sister?
It’s almost impossible to stop your older children from being jealous at times, but what you can do is take the following tips into account so that the situation does not get unbearable. Most of them are related to getting your older child involved in this new family adventure which will change his life forever:
- Tell your child he’s going to have a baby brother or sister. It’s important that he is aware someone new is coming into the family and that he does not feel betrayed. If you don’t tell him, he might interpret it as something bad and that’s why you are hiding it from him. So, he needs to be told – he’s going to realize anyway that something is changing and your conversations with other adults will give it away too. Find the right time and tell him in the right way for his age.
- There is no better way to get older brothers and sisters involved than by taking them to a doctor’s appointment and even letting them see a scan. Whether or not you do this depends on the age of the child. They might even ask you, and if they do, don’t say no.
- Above all, sincerity. Your child will no doubt ask you a whole load of questions now that a new baby is on its way. Don’t make up stories or fantasies about this: be natural and tell the truth adapted to their age, and you will always get it right.
- Ask them for help in finding a name for the new baby. They will love forming part of this decision. If the name they suggest fits in, it could be a good idea to let them choose so that they feel proud – and they will tell everybody.
- Let them join in the preparations within their reach. They should be there when you get the baby’s bedroom ready, when you put the cot up, etc. and if you are going to use the same childcare items as when your elder child was born, you can make the most of it one afternoon to see photographs or videos of when they were born and when they were little.
- Drastic changes are best before the new baby is born. If they are going to leave the cot, go to a different bedroom, stop using nappies, etc. then it’s best to make all these changes before a new little brother or sister comes onto the scene, so that they don’t link these things to that moment. Even so, they might take some steps backwards, i.e. they might start wetting their bed again, or talking like a baby, or not want to sleep away from home without their parents. Don’t be alarmed, this is usual and as soon as they sees that your relationship with them is the same as it was before and it’s no big deal, everything will get back to normal.
- Set aside a time each day to do something with them, so they can feel special, and this can be your moment together. Choose something you can keep doing when the new baby is here. This will help them see that there is no problem and mum and dad love them just like they did before.
What did you think of these tips? Have you been through this experience?
If you want to share it with us you can tell us your opinion in the comments. If you’re about to go through it, tell us how it’s all coming along.
