Brining up a child is a pathway strewn with doubts and times of uncertainty. It is no easy task to instil certain rules in them when they are very young, and to tell the truth there is no magic formula. And yet it is important to establish certain patterns and define limits for children. So pay attention – if you have a child that really tests your patience, we’ll give you some tips for parents, stitch by stitch, for parents in a tight spot.
We could say that parents make use of very different techniques when it comes to bringing their children up. Many are guided by intuition and act as they see fit at each time, while others bring their children up as they themselves were brought up, others read specialized books and still others consult professionals to find out how to act with their children.
So what is best? There is no one answer to this question and different methods work in different ways with different children. But there are some basic directives which are useful as a starting point for parents when the first signs of a rebellious nature come to light.
Parents’ main goal in bringing up their children is to provide them with the tools and skills necessary to face up to difficult times in life, with strength, independence and emotional intelligence. This task should always be done from a point of view of respect and transmitting positive values for society, promoting emotional skills that will make them grow into adults who are sure of themselves, open and understanding with their surroundings and responsible for their own actions. It doesn’t sound easy, but let’s see how we can manage.
Is it right to use punishments and rewards?
There is still great controversy in this regard, although more and more parents now think that punishing children and rewarding them does not help them grow up emotionally, and neither does it modify undesired conduct in little children.
Expert child psychologists say that when we punish a child, we produce in them a sense of guilt, but not one of responsibility for what they have done or for the negative consequences of their attitude. We place emphasis on what was done wrong and on the fact they should pay for it, rather than on understanding what happened, why, and how to avoid it in the future. This might seem like a nuance, but we should replace punishment with consequences or the results of inappropriate behaviour.
Rewards are not so good either for encouraging good behaviour in children. According to diverse specialist sources in bringing up children, they might interpret this exchange of favours as blackmail, which means that they will do things in a given way just to get their reward, but not assimilate this behaviour as correct or understand why it is good for everybody.
Tips for parents with rebellious children
First of all, the most important thing is to try and understand why a child is behaving in what we could call a “rebellious” or even threatening way against his parents’ authority. There is always a reason why children act like this. Maybe he is tired, maybe he has had a bad day and is feeling frustrated, maybe he is not capable of handling his emotions and is trying to show how he feels. There could even be a physical reason behind a temper tantrum that is concealing some kind of illness.
In any case, here are some tips to help you bring your children up appropriately and reduce times of rebelliousness and tension to a minimum. So, take note!
- Establish rules that are right for their age. There are certain things that you will not like to see in your children, but maybe they can’t control some of them as they are too young. Try to keep calm and you will see how some habits get better with age.
- One rule at a time. Don’t overwhelm children with too much information. Explain rules one at a time and given them time to understand them before bringing new concepts into play.
- Rules are stable. It is no good at all to try and instil good behaviour in your child if you then change rules at random depending on the situation. The only thing this will do is to confuse them; it certainly won’t help them assimilate patters of established behaviour.
- Explain the importance of limits in detail. Take your time, until your children understand the need to respect the rule and the benefits involved in following it; explain how everyone respects the same rule and expects them to as well.
- Don’t leave it for later. Don’t let too long go by from a child’s breaking one of the rules you have agreed on to making him see his mistake. Explain the consequences, they might be right there before his eyes and this makes it easier to understand.
- Keep your calm. Don’t take your patience to the limit, solve it straight away – no shouting, just dialogue. As soon as you realize that a given behaviour is not right, tell them and try to bring them round by explaining what would have been better in this case and why their decision was not the right one.
- Respect. You reprimand the action – what the child has done is bad but not the child himself. Be careful with your words and don’t make them think that they have a problem or that everything they do is bad. These labels are very easy to accept and not so easy to forget about.
Nobody said that bringing children up was going to be easy, but every effort you make will be worth it in the long run. 😉
If you want to go any deeper into this or any of the other subjects dealt with on the blog, we’ll be waiting for you in the comments!
